lovely

Do you know you are lovely?
When you talk, I must listen
And when you listen, I encounter awe
That a creature such as you
Takes up space with one like me

Do you know you are lovely?
There is a worldliness to your step,
An otherworldliness to your spirit
That seizes my gaze and draws me back
To your dark eyes, and darker hair

If you do not know that you are lovely,
If you do not ruminate on such things,
Then I shall envy the one who gets to tell you
And watch that smile bloom across your face

the little soul

The little soul arrives in a fury of incredulity

Have I chosen to come here again?
To this place of demands and pains and mourning?
Did I not just depart the body
Of a life well lived,
Of a creature who loved,
And was loved in turn?

Did I not just plunge into the heavens,
Delighted and eager,
Keen to return home?

Did I not rear the children,
Experience the heartbreak,
Learn the lessons?

The little soul feels the warm, clammy hand
Of the mother
And acquiesces to another life
Thinking,
Next time, next time I will rest

joy

I cannot feel anything, I say, to any who ask
I have not been able to feel for as long as I’ve recognized
The absurdity of the cards long held in my hands,
Dealt to me by a Universe that believed the innocence of a child Must be blotted out by all the rags in Its possession

I cannot feel anything, I say, to myself
And this is unremarkable, this is fine
This is how it was always intended to be
For the ability to feel is a vicious curse
Placed on the unlucky ones
Who scream, and weep, and smash their way through Life

But there is a sudden and subtle sensation in my chest
That brings my feet to a halt
Slows my breathing, quiets my thoughts
Pulls my lips up into a smile
And says, return those leaden burdens
To the years from which they came
They do not serve you anymore,
Set them down now, and rest

By some stroke of fate,
You have stirred a frightening, yet promising, sensation in me
And I think it is joy

grief

I enter my grandmother’s home
And confront grief
Grief that is nearly palpable,
Pervasive, and inescapable

Grief that dissolves the childlike conviction, or incomprehension,
Of loss as a fact of life, rather than
A veiled secret that infects the lives of others,
But leaves you be

Tugs the curtain down, and says,
Look, it is coming
Not today, perhaps
And statistically not tomorrow
But most assuredly before you take your last breath on this plane

Grief that makes me glance at my child, or my partner,
And think, I am so blessed and honored to get to love you for a lifetime
But I’m certain I cannot handle your passing with grace
And it may be easier to bear this existence alone

Grief that ushers in a newfound admiration for those who came before me
And had no choice but to suffer loss
After loss
After loss
And depart this earth knowing
They were adding to the collective grief
Of those left behind